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What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?

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~by talkingtoanimals

Two men who are out walking their dogs meet on a street corner. One says to the other, "Boy it sure is hot today. I'd really like to go into the bar and get a beer, but the sign on the front door says, "No Pets Allowed," and I can't leave Fido alone on the street."

The other man replies, "No problem, just stand by the door and watch me, and you'll be having that beer real soon!" The second man reaches into his pocket and puts on a pair of dark sunglasses, and then walks into the bar.

The bartender looks up and says, "Hey buddy, you can't bring that dog in here!" The man says, "But I'm blind, and this is my seeing-eye dog!" The bartender says, "Oh, okay then." The man drinks his beer and leaves.

The first man then puts on dark sunglasses and goes into the bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Hey buddy, you can't bring that dog in here!" The man says, "But I'm blind, and this is my seeing-eye dog!"

The bartender says, "Oh really? I've never heard of a Chihuahua seeing-eye dog!"

The man, thinking quickly, blurts out, "Oh, man! You mean they gave me a Chihuahua?"

~by catslave

why didn't the coffee bean get to go play???

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~by wanda

Where do mice park their boats?

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~by Almari7

When a bird flies over the ocean a part of its body touches the water but doesn't get wet. What is it?

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~by Almari7

What is a mouse's favorite game?

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~by Almari7

After being married for 50 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, "Fifty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep with a hot 23-year-old girl every night.

Now, I have a $500,000 home, a $45,000 car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 69-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve an old guy's problems.

~by catslave

What did the chicken say to the duck when it crossed the road?

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~by catslave

I said to the wife, "Get me a newspaper"

"Don't be silly," she said "You can borrow my iPad"

That spider never knew what blooming well hit it.

~by catslave

Why did the mice go to the party?

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~by ShadowVyper

Why did the cow not want the mouse to tell its joke?

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~by ShadowVyper's little brother

Why did the chicken cross the road?

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~by AnimalFamily

What do you call a cat crossing the Sahara Desert on December 25th?

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~by AnimalFamily

Why did the tiger eat the tight-rope walker?

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~by AnimalFamily

How do you catch a polar bear?

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~by AnimalFamily